My emotions have been all over the map this week. One minute I’m angry, the next I’m determined, then I’m heartbroken. I have times when I feel willing to listen to the other side, but then I stupidly read the comments and become angry and scared all over again. I have a feeling a whole lot of you know what I’m talking about.
I think it’s time for a little self care. The numbness is setting in – a phase of grief I’m deeply familiar with, and recognize as a message from my soul to my brain that it’s time to take a little break and recharge. When I’ve felt it after a death in my life, it’s usually come with an unhealthy dose of guilt – how can I walk away from the pain, even for a day or two? Isn’t that doing a dishonor to the person who is gone?
No. Not even a little bit. And it took entering the numb phase after my cancer diagnosis for me to see that clearly. A few days after my diagnosis, I could feel that I and everyone close to me needed that little break. We needed to have an hour or a day without crying and punching walls. It didn’t mean we were giving up. It didn’t mean we no longer cared.
That’s true today as well, so I’m listening to the message my body and my brain are giving me and taking a small break. I’m attaching a safety pin to my shirt this morning, to demonstrate to anyone I meet that I’m a safe ally to people of color, LGTBQ, Muslims, and immigrants – that will be my One Thing today. I’ll get on social media just long enough to spread a few happy birthdays and share this blog post, but that’s it. The rest of the day I’m going to allow my children and my family to hold my attention. I’m going to write, and to work on a blanket I’m crocheting, and to read a good book if I can.
It doesn’t mean I’ve given up. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to pick up the fight after I’ve recharged.
In America today is Veteran’s Day, so it’s also fitting to take today and set aside our differences and resentments for a moment to honor those who serve to protect us. I think – I hope – it’s something even those on opposite sides of this election can agree on.
Love and light to all of you.