Are you feeling overwhelmed lately? Do you have trouble focusing sometimes? Do you read about things like being more mindful, being more present, or slowing down, and think, “Yeah, maybe after I finish this next project…”
There are so many things going on at any given moment – television, radio, computers, video games, tablets, smart phones…they’re all constantly demanding our attention. I don’t receive very many phone calls anymore – most people text, email, or message me on Facebook – but if I leave my phone in another room for an hour or two, I will undoubtedly return to find upwards of 20 texts, several emails, and miles of Facebook and Twitter news feeds. Because I work from home, I also get to juggle the racket of my exuberant children who need to tell me everything that is on their mind RIGHT NOW.
And that’s just the outside noise – it’s barely a blip on the radar compared to the activity going on in my head. To-do lists, grocery lists, blog ideas, book ideas, appointments I need to make, people I need to check in with, marketing strategies…it’s incredibly noisy in there. When someone suggests that I ‘quiet my mind’, an audible snort sometimes escapes my mouth. But I also know that I need to bring down the volume, and get a break here and there.
So how do we survive the cacophony of noise? How do we practice mindfulness when we barely have enough time to eat, let alone meditate? Here are some simple exercises you can do each day to improve your focus and yes, quiet your mind.
1. Take a Break From Talking
One of the first things you can do to be more present is also one of the simplest. Just be quiet for a minute. If you’re a talker like me, that’s not necessarily easy, per say, but it’s still possible. Go for a walk around the building on your break at work instead of chatting in the break room. Listen more carefully when someone is talking to you, instead of letting your mind run loose preparing your next anecdote – or God forbid, glancing at your phone. During your next conversation, talk as little as possible – listen to what the other person is saying and focus 100% on them.
A lot of us process our thoughts out loud – most things don’t even seem real to me until I’ve told someone about it. But there is merit to holding our tongues and a lot of value in really listening to people. I’m not suggesting you suddenly become a quiet, introspective person, just that you make an attempt to shut up at least once a day.
2. Choose What Your Inner Voice is Saying
Your inner voice matters just as much as your outer voice. I don’t know about you, but my inner voice can be a real jerk. She likes to criticize every move I make, punish me for my mistakes long after the fact, and throw doubt into the works as often as possible. Over the last few years, however, I’ve learned ways of making her more supportive. First, I recognize that the voice is only a reflection of my insecurities, or a reflection of what I assume other people are thinking. It is not a Divine voice, it does NOT represent what the Universe wants me to think, and it certainly doesn’t represent truth.
Next, I recognize that I can choose what that voice says to me. Sit with that information for a minute, let it soak in. You can choose what your inner voice says to you. You are lucid in this dream; you can control everything in it once you decide to. What will you choose to say? Personally, I’ve chosen to make mine a kind caregiver – who works for me and can be fired. I allow that voice to comfort me, to encourage me, and to hold my hand when I need it. During my cancer treatment, that voice told me, “You’ve got this.” She put her virtual arm around me and gently walked me into the chemo infusion room each week when all I wanted to do was run the other way.
Is she still a jerk sometimes? Sure, but when she gets a little mean, I push myself back into the driver’s seat and remind her of her place and her job.
Make your inner voice supportive and kind. Put that voice on your side, and if it gets out of line remember that YOU are the one in charge.
3. Give Yourself Permission To Do One Thing At A Time
When is the last time you did one task at a time? Seriously – one task, with your whole attention. I’m a terrible example – even as I type this I have my laptop, my phone and my tablet all on my lap. The TV is also on, and I’m eating a snack. The thought of focusing 100% on one activity all the time is intimidating, so I pick one thing per day that I’m going to focus on completely for the entire time I do it. Yesterday it was vacuuming, today it will be preparing dinner. The more I do this, the easier it is to automatically do certain things with more focus.
Immerse yourself completely in a mundane task like yard work or data entry. Let yourself completely focus on just that one thing. Yes, ideally you’d do this all day long with everything you do, but it’s okay to start with just one thing per day. Give your brain a break from the myriad of things you usually think about while you eat, for example, and pay attention to the taste of the food. Or pay complete attention to brushing your teeth. Let every one of your senses in on the experience – see, hear, smell, taste and feel everything for just that one task.
C’mon, it’s one task. You can do it.
4. Take A Moment of Silence
Pick a time of day when you can take a moment of silence. In the morning with your coffee, at night before you go to sleep, after dinner, whenever. Turn the TV/radio/YouTube off, close your eyes and just listen to the silence. Take three deep breaths, say a prayer of gratitude, and smile. Then go about your day like normal, only a little more present.
Most of us only ever observe a moment of silence after a tragic event, when someone ‘in charge’ tells us to. But even then, are you really silent? Or are you thinking of the meeting you’re going to afterward, or the grocery list, or what on earth that smell is? At best you’re thinking of the families of those affected by the tragedy. I suggest a moment of silence that’s just for you. And I suggest you observe it every day.
5. Say Thank You
Gratitude is the glue that holds all of our positive thoughts together. Find a way to say ‘thank you’ to even the crappy parts of your day, and suddenly you will have complete control over your stress level. Think of something annoying right now – traffic on the way to work or an appointment, a coworker stealing your lunch, or your kid interrupting you every five seconds. Take a deep breath, let it out slowly, and think to yourself, “thank you”. Do it again – take a deep breath, let it out, and say “thank you”. One more time – deep breath, let it out, “thank you”.
Next, add what you’re thankful for. “Thank you for this traffic, which may have kept me out of an accident or ticket today.” “Thank you for the opportunity to eat out for lunch this afternoon, it turns out I needed the break.” “Thank you for the enthusiasm my daughter has about her book, I’m so grateful that she loves to share things with me.”
At first those statements might feel fake and contrived. You might even be saying them through clenched teeth. That’s okay. Keep saying them until you feel your shoulders start to relax. Go back and take the breaths again if you need to. Gratitude is a muscle – the more you use it the better it works for you. Throughout your day, when something obnoxious presents itself, take that breath and say ‘thank you’. The more you do this the more natural it will feel, and the easier it will be to let go of the irritation.
Do even one of these things every day to increase your focus. Do all of them every day to shift your perspective and keep a lid on your stress level. Being more mindful isn’t as hard as you think – and the greatest thing is, anything is anything. You don’t have to give away all of your belongings and go sit on a mountain, do just one thing each day to turn down the volume and give yourself a break.
You deserve it.
This post contains excerpts from the book Magic Without Spells, Choosing the Life You Want. Follow the link to download it now.